


Chimpanzee

by 17826



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: (so to speak), Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Gen, Nihilism, Omniscient Narrator, and a rebuttal of it, way too many commas my dude
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 05:45:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11685297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/17826/pseuds/17826
Summary: "You see gratitude in the fading light of his eyes, and he blows away, turned to ash. And for just a moment, there is quiet." - Ep. 68. Story and Song - Finale, Part Two





	Chimpanzee

**Author's Note:**

> Just a warning : this is a very thinly disguised exploration of depression , so if that is gunna be upsetting or uncomfortable for u , this is probably not ur ideal fic

This world was more balanced than most you'd been to, a clear respect for nature in the way the cities had limited their growth and in how the smaller gatherings were spread out. It was laughable, as if by the time cities were built it wasn't always already too late, so you laughed and the grass got a little less green; even to your ears it was an empty laugh, not truly amused, nor even sorrowful. The world was screaming, a desperate futile attempt to continue the farce that there was any point to their miserable lives, lives they had lived within such tight boundaries since the day they were born, on the promise that it would extend them. You had long since stopped listening to promises, hadn't seen one that wasn't broken for as long as you can remember. And the people banding together, thinking their bonds were going to save them, just painted bigger targets on their backs with their foolishness, their disbelieving faces upturned to you. No one thinks it's going to happen to them until it does, and now it is, and they think they deserve to be saved because of the way they feel?

It was all so meaningless, it had been meaningless for so long. There was really no point to it all, and these people, these fucking idiots who pretended otherwise, were infuriating. So long you had been shutting them down now, showing them the truth of the world, that you couldn't remember anything different. Certainly not living as a member of a community; certainly not feeling admired, respected, loved even. Maybe you never had been. In fact, you're sure you had never felt anything in your whole life but this violent apathy, never felt anything but-

 

"I'm sorry."

 

A blade, not magic or famed, or even particularly long, but cared for and sharpened with a practised hand.

 

A small spark of pain, in your neck, setting you ablaze with... Well, with something.

 

Those words, 'I'm sorry', said with genuine regret, a regret which could only come from admiration, from respect. Those words were a form of love.

 

You had died once before, in a manner of speaking, so you know what this feeling is, and you're pretty sure you're not gunna feel it a third time. You stretch your awareness out for the first time in the best part of a century, to notice your surroundings, to recognise your own physical body, seperate from the black mass it is composed of. You're on some sort of artificial sphere, floating in a sky filled with raven blackness, dashed through with the rainbow sheen of fishscales. Your siblings are beside you, fighting tooth and claw for reasons that seem so infinitesimally small now; all around you, there are beings gripped by the same aching emptiness that had hold of you for decades longer than it didn't, but there is also a resistance. People are fighting back, and sometimes, not all the time, but not so few as to be disregarded, the people are winning. You look up at the man who has killed you, and you can't quite remember his name as your body starts to fail. He is burning up with the force of how much he feels.

You remember helping to shape the society that your forebears built, and training this man. You remember your family, how you had been just about to become an uncle. You remember a crush you had had when you were just a cub, the first crush you had ever had. You remember how much it hurt to lose that all. You remember being taken to countless worlds since then and crushing them into the vacuum left by your loss, consuming so much because you didn't know what else to do, but you also remember that they were beautiful in their variation. You have traveled through so many universes and you remember, in your dying seconds, to honour them. You wish you could make up for what you have done, you never wanted any of this.

The pain in your neck is inescapable now, a feeling that cannot be ignored. You look up at someone you think of as a hero, now more than ever, and try to thank him. You know, in the end, it was not the feeling that killed you, and you hope he understands that. You treasure everything you are feeling, bad and good, because at last you are feeling it, until you have drunk your fill.

This kind of fading away, you think, is not so bad.

**Author's Note:**

> boy , Griffin sure knows how to please a desperate lesbian don't he ~ here's to the finale , Pan save us all
> 
> kudos n comments fuel my soul , thanks 4 reading x


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